i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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