I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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