I want to make a zoo with you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
