Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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