This is not my ceiling
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
