Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
