I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
