Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
4 words: hood of his car
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
