Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
