Your face is a jimmy john
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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