Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
