some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
