Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
