Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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