it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I did not marry a roomba.
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