Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
