Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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