I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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