just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
