Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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