Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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