We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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