No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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