true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
