I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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