Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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