eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
