Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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