i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
