Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
