I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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