I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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