3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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