Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
