i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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