I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
