'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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