you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
