If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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