My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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