I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
