You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize