why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
