too bad you live with your parents still
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
