that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh god it's open bar.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
