She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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