TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
where am i from again
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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