My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
