Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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