We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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