As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
