I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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