Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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