its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
