Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
