You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
