i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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