I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
