The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
