I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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