I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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