Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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