Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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