idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
