my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
