in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
