And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
