so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
