I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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