It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
