My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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