I think i peed on brittanys purse
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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