Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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