I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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